Move along, move along...

Yesterday we went to do our fingerprinting for the adoption process. It's one of the last major steps before we move on to the home study. I can't believe how fast the process has gone so far. It has felt like months since we made that initial contact with our caseworker, but really it has only been 3 weeks! I started to panic yesterday thinking how fast it was moving. Most of that is excitement, but a little bit of it is apprehension. I think I figured it out though. With the paper work process we have control. We fill out the forms, we turn them in, we move on the next steps, etc. After all of that is done it is time to wait. I have all these thoughts like: what if we say the wrong thing? what if they don't like our pictures? what if we don't get picked? I feel like the nerdy kid on the sidelines wondering if they'll get picked to join someone's kick ball team. I'm trying really hard to push these thoughts aside and put my faith in the Lord that he will lead us to our birth parent(s) and them to us. I know in the end our birth parent(s) will love us for being us. I can't wait to meet them!

Enjoying The Journey..

I had a great day at church today. I passed babies in the halls, I held babies to help out a friend, I saw parents with their kids and there was no pain, no feelings of loss, no sadness. I mingled with other Saints. I laughed and listened to good lessons. To most this may not seem extraordinary. In fact, it's extremely ordinary. But these past 4 years I have struggled with church. My heart dropped as we would pull into the parking lot. I felt pained as we walked the halls. I felt as every lesson talked of being a good parent and therefor I couldn't relate. It was a long 4 years and I never thought it would get better.

But it did! Not just because we chose adoption and all my problems magically went away, but because I chose to enjoy the journey. I know each second, minute, hour, and day is bringing us closer to being parents. But on the bigger spectrum I know each day is part of a journey that Heavenly Father has planned just for me.

“Life is to be enjoyed, not endured”

― Gordon B. Hinckley

Start Spreading The Word....

Life is EXCITING right now. On 9/6 we met with our sweet caseworker, Brenda, and officially began the adoption process with LDS Family Services. We have been dutifully filling out online forms, offline forms, and sending in copies of documents. Brenda says we will probably be approved in December, but we are hoping it will be before that. I can honestly say that it has felt like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders since we prayerfully decided to pursue adoption. I have also learned though that choosing adoption hasn't alleviated all my past pain, but also stirred up some new feelings. My battle with Infertility was a rough one. I came out bruised and battered and wondering where my old self had gone. When we made the decision to adopt I felt alive again. I felt like my dreams were possible again. Shortly after we began the process and I was swimming in a mound of paperwork I felt exhausted. I felt as if I went from one hard situation (infertility) to another (the adoption process). I cried. And then I cried some more. Why was life so hard? Why did everything seem like a giant obstacle for me that seemed so easy for others? But maybe that was the point. Maybe all along this was the lesson I was to learn. Life is hard. We are dealt things that seem impossible to overcome. And it hurts. And you feel overwhelmed. But it is worth it. All of our struggles with infertility. All of our failed procedures. All of that pain. It was and is and will be worth it.

So that is where we are with the adoption process. Just continuing to send in things and patiently waiting to be approved. We know there is a special birth mother and child out there just for us. The agency talks a lot about waiting vs. finding and how finding is being proactive while waiting is the opposite. Although we are not approved yet we are going to begin the "finding" process now. Share our blog! Share our facebook page! Share our information with anyone you feel inspired to! We plan on making a button that you can paste on your blogs too. We're so grateful for the support our friends and family have given us and we're so excited for all of you to go on this journey with us!

Check out our Adoption blog:

breinholtadoptionjourney.blogspot.com

Or our Adoption Facebook Page:

http://www.facebook.com/breinholtadoption

Have questions? Contact Us!

breinholtadoption@gmail.com

A Tale of Two Cities..

Wow, life is just blowing by. The semester is over and I spent it traveling back and forth from Pflugerville to DFW. My classes were online but I had to go on campus to take the exams. So three times this semester I packed up my stuff (including my work computer) and stayed with my parents in Keller. I can safely say that I don't think I'll ever be a traveling coder. It is exhausting going back and forth. So I would get there the weekend before, study, take my tests that Mon/Tues, work the rest of my week at my parent's, and then go home the next weekend. But it is all over now and I got an A and a B so all is well.

Another major change these past few months was with my career. I applied and got offered two new jobs. I accepted the second offer and now work for the 2nd biggest healthcare company in Central Texas. My previous employer was the biggest. I started my new job in the middle of April and things have been going great so far. I still have the option to work from home but have deferred that for now so I can enjoy the company of my new co-workers. It's so nice to be around human beings again! I love my dogs, but they aren't good conversationists. I also am working PRN (as needed) for my old boss. My days consists of coding, coding, and then more coding. But in a time where many are losing jobs or having a hard time finding one, we feel extremely blessed and lucky to have two.

I also got into the Health Information Management program at Texas State University. I start next Fall. Heath is nearing his last year at UT for his undergraduate degree. No one is more giddy with excitement about that great news than me! I am proud of him and the work he has done these past 2 years. UT is a very hard school and he has done wonderfully.

Life is moving on. It seems like yesterday that Heath and I had gotten married and started down our own road with our life's dreams. Things have changed a lot, but not our love for one another. I am so glad to have him to share in life's ups and downs. I couldn't do it without him!

New Year, New Plans

We have finally made a decision on two important things.

1. I am going back to school

and

2. We are going to adopt.

I start back to school this semester. I'll be doing online courses at TCC and am also putting in my application for the BS in Health Information Management program at Texas State University. If I get in, I will start their online program this Fall. Since I already have my Associate's degree I will be allowed to finish my final two years completely online. Pretty awesome deal. I have to do a great big shout out to my parents for once again stepping up to the plate and helping me out with the tuition costs until I am able to pay them back. My work does tuition reimbursement but-for logical reasons- they don't pay you back until after you've completed the courses. We struggle enough with paying our bills, taking care of two dogs, and taking care of Heath's school expenses so it was such a blessing for my family to be so willing to help us out. I don't know what I would do without them. They are always there when I need them. I am truly grateful for "goodly parents". So I am very excited about school starting (tomorrow actually!) and heading towards a goal I really want to accomplish.

On to the second and equally (or even more) exciting news. After struggling with infertility for four (almost 5) years and all the roller coaster emotions that come with that we have both come to a meeting point on what we would like to do. For us, we feel that there are just no guarantees for IVF (InVitro Fertilization). I am possibly going through POF (Premature Ovarian Failure) right now. With that and the low counts, we feel that it is just not worth the risk of spending all that money and it failing. Heath has been pushing adoption since we started down this road, but I was just having trouble accepting infertility yet alone adoption. I am pretty stubborn about letting things go. I think I have gone through all of the stages of grief finally and ready to move on with this new plan. I think we were meant to adopt all along. I was just pushing away all those promptings because I did not want to accept it. We plan on putting our profile out there in a year. This puts Heath closer to graduation and gives us time to put everything in order : saving money, etc. Although I have accepted this path it doesn't mean that all of my old feelings have gone away. I still cry when others announce a pregnancy, my stomach still aches when I see someone hold a sweet baby, and the maternity/baby aisles at stores still bring anger brimming to the surface. This is another reason we are taking a year before actively pursuing an adoption. I still have strides to make in overcoming this huge change in my life: not getting a family the way I thought I would. But we are both excited about the prospect of adoption and joy this can bring to our lives.

We are hoping this year brings lots of exciting changes and joy to our lives and hope the same thing for all of you.

ACL= Pure Awesomeness!

The Eagles in all their magnificence!

All 80,000 people at the festival. It was crowded, but fun!

Last weekend was the annual ACL (Austin City Limits) Festival. This equals 3 days of music (70 bands!) in Zilker Park, and I got to go to Sunday's festivities with my dad and brother. The Eagles were playing and if you know anything about my dad you know that he loves him some Texas Longhorn football and he loves him some Eagles. I grew up watching The Eagles Live in Concert: Hell Freezes Over DVD over and over again(although when we were younger it was a VHS :)). So we spent the day lazying around eating good food and listening to great music and then it was time! Time for some Eagles! It was an amazing concert. They are so good live and I've never seen my dad happier. It was great having my dad here for the weekend. I watched a lot more sports than I ever would, but it was nice just spending time with him.

Moving On!

This last month we did our last and final fertility treatment and much like it's predecessors it was a big, fat, epic fail. We are letting go of this part of our lives for awhile and are going to search out some other paths to travel down for now. Heath finishing school, me doing more school, going on some vacations and hopefully forgetting about the word Infertility and the pain it has caused in our life. We can no longer plan our lives around: when this treatment will work, when I am pregnant, when we have a baby, etc. Although we are moving, living, doing- infertility has put our lives at a stagnant standstill and we are ready to move forward with new plans. Being parents was such a big part of the dreams we had for our future and now that we've had one road block after another we are coming to terms with the fact that it probably won't happen for a very long time. We just cannot afford the price tag of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and I am not in the right state of mind to accept adoption yet. It is Plan B to me, and I would never want a little one to grow up thinking "My mommy couldn't have children so she adopted me". I feel bitter that there are all these women giving up their babies because they don't want them, can't afford them, can't care for them- and I would give anything to have a baby of my own and just can't. Simply just can't. I think I will have a long road of acceptance coming up. I am angry, bitter, jealous, sad, and heartbroken, and those feelings don't go away overnight (although I wish they did). I guess the biggest thing I am bitter about is that 4 years ago I gave up my dreams of what I really wanted to do in school and changed to the degree I have now so I could work from home and still be a stay at home mom. Now each day I work from home is like salt in my barren womb. Right now I am planning on extending my Associate's Degree into a BS in Health Information Management, but I am also thinking of the possibility of choosing a degree I really want to do. Maybe this is an opportunity to fulfill other dreams we have like : school, traveling, etc. One day this will all make sense..