Failed adoption(s), IVF, and much more....

Wow, it's been WAY too long since we've last written. Honestly, it's just been busy,busy around here. Some bad, some good. I'll start with the bad...

Shortly after finding out our birth mom lost the baby we found out she lied to us. She did not lose the baby, but we think she decided to keep her and thought that was the best way to let us know. Don't worry, it baffles us too. She gave a very detailed story of the loss. It's really sad. I can't imagine living with myself after telling a lie that big. She must have known we'd find out. Honesty is a big thing with me. We've always been open with her, and it makes us sad that she didn't feel comfortable telling us that she changed her mind. We went in knowing that a birth mom could (and had the right to) change her mind about placing, but we never expected to be lied to and in such a heartbreaking way. So we left that adoption experience with a lot of pain. It really broke our morale. That whole relationship was one big drama filled, stressful mess, and we are glad it is over and we've been able to move on.

Also, we never announced it, but late last year we were on a list of potential parents for an adorable two year old boy we'll call T. His grandparents were taking care of him and had heard about us through the Sister Missionaries that visited them (networking works!). We did a few visits with him, even babysat him one night, but ultimately they decided to go with some extended family in Houston. We were heartbroken because we really fell in love with him. Our hearts healed because we were able to focus on the baby we were chosen for, but then that imploded. Needless to say, it's been rough.

After all that happened we decided to try a round of IVF while still pursuing adoption. I have a genetic predisposition for Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) and we found out at the beginning of this year that my body was rapidly failing me so so we decided to do as soon as we could. We wanted to make sure we had tried everything possible to become parents, and wanted to try this before it was out of reach due to my failing ovaries. So we found a great doctor in Austin and moved forward with the process. This is what my schedule looked like:

March 28-April 8: Birth Control
April 4th: IVF Education/Saline Sonogram/Mock Transfer
April 12-25th: FSH/LH Injections (2 shots Gonal-f 375iu/Menopur 75iu)
April 20th-26th: Ovulation Suppresser Injection (1 shot Cetrotide .25mg)
April 15,17,20,22,24,25,26: Monitoring Appointments with blood work and sonograms
April 26th: hCG "Trigger" shot to induce ovulation (Novarel 10,000 USP)
April 28: Egg Retrieval
May 1: Embryo Transfer
Also took: a steroid, antibiotic, progesterone, estrogen, baby aspirin, and a prenatal vitamin.

It was a lot.

 This is all my meds. Yep.

 This was my first shot. It went well and they really weren't that bad.

 This was the "totally normal" reaction I got every time I took the ovulation suppressor shot Cetrotide.

This was egg retrieval day. 

On transfer day the embryologist gave us a picture of our embryo. We named her Emmy.

 This is Heath and I before the transfer procedure.

 This was a sonogram picture of the embryo being put into my uterus.

This is a funny photoshopped picture Heath made from our embryo picture since we started calling her Emmy.

So first of all, I am very lucky to have a flexible job/boss that allowed for me to go to all those doctor appointments. Unfortunately, the cycle was unsuccessful. I produced 4 follicles (average for IVF is like 15-20). Out of those four we only got 2 eggs. When I had woken up from the anesthesia and the doctor told us we only got two I sobbed. We already had pretty slim chances and that just cut them down even more. Later that night we got the call that only one of those eggs was mature. We just said "What the heck, it only takes one. Let's do this!" It fertilized normally and became the 6 cell beautiful embryo we transferred 3 days after the egg retrieval procedure. On Tuesday I had blood drawn to check for pregnancy and it came back negative. We were sort of numb that day. Sad, but not really emotional. It's been later in the week that it's really been hitting us. For me, I just really thought IVF was a sure thing. Get our sperm and egg to meet and BAM pregnant. But this year my POF just rapidly progressed and we weren't left with much to work with. 

So we feel as though we're back to square one. We just keep getting pushed down, but we haven't given up.

We're hopeful that our birth mom is out there.  Maybe she's reading this right now. We'd like her to know that we look forward to building a loving, honest relationship with her. That we hope she has support, and knows that she is loved. We hope she knows how grateful we are for her and her decision to place. We feel that all this pain we've gone through is for a reason. That God has a plan for us and our birth mom. To help each other heal and be there for one another. That although we wish she didn't have to go through this, we're so grateful for the opportunity to adopt and extend our family to include hers. That although there are days where she doesn't feel it is so, that she is strong and can do anything. We hope to meet you soon. 

So that's what's been going on with us. We are still here and are still wanting to adopt. Spread the word!

So despite the sad things that have been going on we've been having fun too. Check out what else we've been doing these past few months...

We went to Utah to visit Heath's family:

 Heath with his sister Kami and our nephew Preston.

 We went to eat dinner with Heath's youngest sibling Ron and his wife Emily in Brigham City. This is the new Temple there.

 Heath and I with Preston.

 We got to see Sister Bruce (a Sister Missionary that served in our area) now that she is home in Logan!

 Cute Preston all bundled up for a car ride. It was SO cold while we were there.

When we came back we headed to DFW for our niece Sydney's baptism. It was an awesome day. We are so proud of her and feel so lucky to be blessed with the best nieces and nephews around-it's true :)

Me with Sydney on her special day. Her dress was made from her mom's wedding dress. So cool!

Both of us with the special girl.

We celebrated Sophie's 3rd Birthday!

And Ally's 12th Birthday!

Lots to look forward to in the coming months too!  

Very Sad News

I'm just not sure how to start this post, because really it doesn't feel real. But on Monday (Jan . 21st) we got a text from Our Beckie that said our baby had passed away. Her heartbeat stopped and Beckie had to deliver her....alone. We were devastated. Not only because our dreams of being parents started to crumble beneath us, but because she had to go through all that alone and I guess felt that it was too hard to tell us. We just started embracing the reality that we could be parents in June, and then it was taken away. I'm just trying to understand all these trials that seem to keep coming my way. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to be grateful for, but I guess when you really want one thing it's easy to focus on the fact that you don't have it. It's just heartbreaking. I had faith that the Lord was blessing us after 5 long years of wishing for a child.

I wrote all that last week, when the news was fresh and painful. It's still painful, but we are healing. We still can't really believe it, but feel confident that the Lord has a plan for us-whatever it may be. It's sort of like a bad dream. I often find myself remembering that it happened. Like "Oh yeah...." and then my heart breaks again. Or I'll walk by the nursery (Unfortunately I work next to it upstairs) and choke back tears. Then there was taking back all the tiny, beautiful clothes we bought after we found out it was a girl. The sales clerk asked "Was there anything wrong with them?" and I wanted to scream "Our baby died! She never got to use them!" But I didn't....

I feel sort of numb....in shock.  I am sad. I am angry. I feel cheated. I feel confused. But oddly...I also feel at peace. We were chosen. Beckie found us. Our prayers were answered. We were planning on bringing home our daughter in 4 short months. She was only here for a short time, but I feel that she will guide us to our next adventure. She will always be watching over us, and Beckie.


“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (1917–2008), “Come What May, and Love It,” Ensign, Nov. 2008, 28.

Our Little Jellybean

I return with a jellybean update. That's our little nickname for the baby while we wait to find out if it's a boy or girl. Beckie is doing well. We spend lots of time talking with her and just enjoy getting to know her and the friendship that is blooming. She has pretty rough pregnancies. So mix that with the usual life obstacles and she could really use your continued prayers. We feel so grateful that she found us. It's such a good match. It feels as though we have known her forever, and we look forward to a lifetime friendship with her. So without further a due, I give you our baby.....

This is around 8 weeks. Melted our hearts.

12 weeks 3 days. Growing lots!

Best.News.EVER!

Heath and I feel very blessed to be able to announce that we have been chosen by an amazing young woman to become parents. Beckie contacted us last week and we've been able to get to know her better through e-mail. We know that Heavenly Father has had his hand in this.

From the very beginning of our journey to become parents we felt like Heavenly Father has guided us to adoption.  From our conversations with Beckie we can see that Heavenly Father helped her find our profile from the many available.  It is clear now that God has more in store for us then we would be able to see or do on our own.  There are people we are supposed to meet and things we are supposed to do to enrich our lives and the lives of others if we are open to the promptings of the Spirit. We feel that Beckie is one of those people, and we are so glad we "met" her. She is early on in her pregnancy so we hope our many friends and family could send prayers her way. Prayers that she can have a safe pregnancy, prayers that she can be comforted when times are hard, and prayers she can accomplish the many things she needs to do each day. Our hearts are just over filled right now, and we feel so grateful to be able to add Beckie to our family. Our Beckie as we affectionally call her. We're so grateful for the Lord's hand in our lives.  His plan was so much sweeter than the one we ever had.

We just wanted to thank you all for the many thoughts and prayers that have been coming our way since we announced our decision to adopt. They have been felt, and they are greatly appreciated. Please continue to send them on Beckie's behalf.

Love,
Heath and Adrienne

I got in a fight with a vacuum...

and lost. In my 28 years, I've never had a broken bone......until my foot decided to pick a fight with an inanimate object. I was walking by, just minding my own business, when my foot (seemingly) involuntary reached out and kicked the vacuum cleaner....and kicked it hard. I'm pretty accident prone, and have stubbed my toes a lot, but when the pain didn't go away I knew something was wrong. Then the bruising showed up and it still hurt to walk on it. I knew it was broken. But there isn't much doctors can do for a broken toe so I decided to tough it out. But on Saturday I had two friends-who are doctors-tell me to go in and get it checked out. So I did. It was indeed broken. I got fitted with a sweet ortho shoe, got physical proof of my first broken bone (an x-ray), and was sent on my way. Now I just need to cook up a better story than "I kicked my vacuum". :)

Now it's time for gross pictures!

This is from Friday-the day it happened-notice the bruising by my 5th toe.

This is from Saturday-the bruising is worse.

And this is my sweet ortho shoe I got fitted with. 4-6 weeks and I should be all healed.

Syd, Austin IS in Texas....

This last week we were privileged to have 2 of our wonderful nieces stay with us for a week. We had spent 2 1/2 weeks in DFW (visiting friends and family), and then came home for a day to prepare for the girls to come. Ever wonder how we got our blog's name? Xhaxhi and Halla are what these nieces and their young brother call us. They mean uncle and aunt in Albanian which is where Heath went on his 2 year church mission. We love our nicknames and it makes it interesting when we go out with them. On to the fun! 

We met Mer and her sister in Waco to pick them up and then came home to have dinner. 

This is when the girls arrived. They're excited to be at Halla and Xhaxhi's!

I think the girls were more excited about their post dinner Push Up Pops.

The next morning we woke up and had our traditional Xhaxhi and Halla jellybean pancakes. This tradition started when Sydney had her very first sleepover at our apartment when we lived in DFW.

This is the girls picking out their jellybeans and making smiley faces out of them.

After breakfast we went to our HOA's office to finally get our pool key. We've lived in our neighborhood for 2/12 years, have sent many waivers in to get it, but it just never worked out. Nothing like two eager nieces to push you in the right direction. It turns out we were "invisible" in their system which is most likely why we never got our key. Glad we solved that problem! So we headed home to go swimming to find out that the pool is closed on Mondays for maintenance. Boo. So we settle in for some game playing on the Wii and call it a night.

The next day we got sun screened up and headed back to the pool. While entering the gate two girls pulled me off to the side to tell me they were leaving because there was a dead rat in the pool. Oh man... So I go and check it out and sure enough there is a dead rat at the bottom of the pool. So we call the HOA to tell them about it and they send someone over immediately to take care of it. I felt bad for dashing the girls hopes two days in a row so we decided to take them to Gattiland (a pizza buffet and arcade room place). The girls loved it. We got to watch The Lorax while we ate then we ran around the game room letting the girls play games. 

The girls playing mini air hockey at Gattiland.

Wednesday we finally got to go swimming and the girls had a ball. Then we took the girls to Chuck E Cheese with my brother Matt and his friend Beth. We all had fun racking up tickets so the girls could get a bunch of junk to take home. You're welcome Ben and Mer :)

This is Malla on one of the rides.

Thursday and Friday we pretty much hung around the house, went swimming, and played games. Friday, Ben and Mer came into town and we all went to eat at Chuy's then hopped over to the Outlet malls.

Saturday the girls went to see the movie Brave. The rest of Saturday and Sunday was spent just hanging out and having fun.

More pictures to enjoy:

Each night Heath would sing the girls before bed. He would sing their favorite Xhaxhi song "I don't want to live on the moon." from Sesame Street.

Sydney is our sensitive soul. She was upset because we couldn't find goggles that fit her. She ended using her old one and had tons of fun so it worked out. I felt horrible walking through the store with her all teary eyed. I was like "I promise I didn't make this 7 year old cry" :)

Eating Donors- Heath's specialty that he learned on his mission.

The girls flying kites.

The girls loved playing with our two dogs for the week. They were such good helpers. They loved walking the dogs, giving them baths, and feeding them.

Malla LOVES dogs. She is trying to get a kiss from Ally.

Success!!

 We call this Origami Malla. The girl is flexible and would fall asleep like this anytime we were in the car.

Other fun moments were Malla calling me MarshHalla while she was here. I started calling her MarshMalla a while ago and so she decided she would call me that. So cute. And we of course had our usual discussion with Sydney that Austin was still located in Texas and was in fact it's capital. This started during her first trip to visit us in Austin years ago. She had said "When we get back to Texas.." So it's been a running joke since then. I'm pretty sure she gets it now, but pulls our leg and acts like she thinks Austin is outside of Texas. They are so much fun.

We can't tell you how much we loved having them here. I was of course worried about going from 0 kids to 2, but they are such great girls it was easy peasy. We did learn a lot about having kids though. We're used to staying up late, eating whenever, going out whenever. With kids, you do a lot more laundry, dishes, and cleaning. You make sure they are eating before you, going to stores takes longer, and you worry A LOT more. BUT the good far outweighs the changes. You have giggling girls around, you get lots of hugs, and you get to hold tiny hands while going into the stores. You get to kiss boo boos, play games, and tuck them in at night. It has been so sad since they left. No more My Little Pony playing on the TV, no dolls laying around, or girls reenacting Peter Pan, or folding tiny laundry. We hope to do this every year-make it a tradition. Ben and Mer keep telling us that we made their Summer, but really they made ours. So glad we got to have them here.

Mom and Dad Visit

After years in exile my mom and dad have finally returned to the promised land, if only for a short visit.  They flew in from SLC to DFW and then drove to Austin for a few days of fun and excitement.  Like all of my dad's vacations, he immediately looked for a project to work on.  Since I hadn't put down the baseboards in the living room dad was ready to go.  With his and mom's help we had them cut and put on in no time, including the traditional 5 trips to the Home Depot.  With all the hard work getting us hungry it was time for a food trip... Lockhart, here we come!!!  Lockhart is home to many great BBQ joints and we decided to show them the greatness of Black's. Dad was so hungry he ordered one of just about everything on the menu including a rib that looked like it came off a dinosaur.  

Here's my dad with his ginormous beef rib. It lasted for days.

With all the extra weight we were carrying a walk around Lockhart town square was needed and the beautiful scenery was just a bonus. 

Right before we left for DFW (to spend the rest of the week with my brother's and their families) we headed out to bowl a few games. It was a lot of fun. When we got back to DFW the partying continued.  Adrienne brought her work computer so she could work from her parent's house, and I mostly hung out with my family. We went swimming, we ate out, and we shot skeet (my favorite thing to do).  We went with my brother Ben's girls to Cabelas to watch them feed the fish and shoot at the laser arcade. When it was all over I did not want it to end.  It was sad to see mom and dad go and we can't wait for them to visit again. 

-Heath