The Breinholt's: May 2013

Wow, it's been WAY too long since we've last written. Honestly, it's just been busy,busy around here. Some bad, some good. I'll start with the bad...

Shortly after finding out our birth mom lost the baby we found out she lied to us. She did not lose the baby, but we think she decided to keep her and thought that was the best way to let us know. Don't worry, it baffles us too. She gave a very detailed story of the loss. It's really sad. I can't imagine living with myself after telling a lie that big. She must have known we'd find out. Honesty is a big thing with me. We've always been open with her, and it makes us sad that she didn't feel comfortable telling us that she changed her mind. We went in knowing that a birth mom could (and had the right to) change her mind about placing, but we never expected to be lied to and in such a heartbreaking way. So we left that adoption experience with a lot of pain. It really broke our morale. That whole relationship was one big drama filled, stressful mess, and we are glad it is over and we've been able to move on.

Also, we never announced it, but late last year we were on a list of potential parents for an adorable two year old boy we'll call T. His grandparents were taking care of him and had heard about us through the Sister Missionaries that visited them (networking works!). We did a few visits with him, even babysat him one night, but ultimately they decided to go with some extended family in Houston. We were heartbroken because we really fell in love with him. Our hearts healed because we were able to focus on the baby we were chosen for, but then that imploded. Needless to say, it's been rough.

After all that happened we decided to try a round of IVF while still pursuing adoption. I have a genetic predisposition for Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) and we found out at the beginning of this year that my body was rapidly failing me so so we decided to do as soon as we could. We wanted to make sure we had tried everything possible to become parents, and wanted to try this before it was out of reach due to my failing ovaries. So we found a great doctor in Austin and moved forward with the process. This is what my schedule looked like:

March 28-April 8: Birth Control
April 4th: IVF Education/Saline Sonogram/Mock Transfer
April 12-25th: FSH/LH Injections (2 shots Gonal-f 375iu/Menopur 75iu)
April 20th-26th: Ovulation Suppresser Injection (1 shot Cetrotide .25mg)
April 15,17,20,22,24,25,26: Monitoring Appointments with blood work and sonograms
April 26th: hCG "Trigger" shot to induce ovulation (Novarel 10,000 USP)
April 28: Egg Retrieval
May 1: Embryo Transfer
Also took: a steroid, antibiotic, progesterone, estrogen, baby aspirin, and a prenatal vitamin.

It was a lot.

This is all my meds. Yep.

This was my first shot. It went well and they really weren't that bad.

This was the "totally normal" reaction I got every time I took the ovulation suppressor shot Cetrotide.

This was egg retrieval day.

On transfer day the embryologist gave us a picture of our embryo. We named her Emmy.

This is Heath and I before the transfer procedure.

This was a sonogram picture of the embryo being put into my uterus.

This is a funny photoshopped picture Heath made from our embryo picture since we started calling her Emmy.

So first of all, I am very lucky to have a flexible job/boss that allowed for me to go to all those doctor appointments. Unfortunately, the cycle was unsuccessful. I produced 4 follicles (average for IVF is like 15-20). Out of those four we only got 2 eggs. When I had woken up from the anesthesia and the doctor told us we only got two I sobbed. We already had pretty slim chances and that just cut them down even more. Later that night we got the call that only one of those eggs was mature. We just said "What the heck, it only takes one. Let's do this!" It fertilized normally and became the 6 cell beautiful embryo we transferred 3 days after the egg retrieval procedure. On Tuesday I had blood drawn to check for pregnancy and it came back negative. We were sort of numb that day. Sad, but not really emotional. It's been later in the week that it's really been hitting us. For me, I just really thought IVF was a sure thing. Get our sperm and egg to meet and BAM pregnant. But this year my POF just rapidly progressed and we weren't left with much to work with.

So we feel as though we're back to square one. We just keep getting pushed down, but we haven't given up.

We're hopeful that our birth mom is out there. Maybe she's reading this right now. We'd like her to know that we look forward to building a loving, honest relationship with her. That we hope she has support, and knows that she is loved. We hope she knows how grateful we are for her and her decision to place. We feel that all this pain we've gone through is for a reason. That God has a plan for us and our birth mom. To help each other heal and be there for one another. That although we wish she didn't have to go through this, we're so grateful for the opportunity to adopt and extend our family to include hers. That although there are days where she doesn't feel it is so, that she is strong and can do anything. We hope to meet you soon.

So that's what's been going on with us. We are still here and are still wanting to adopt. Spread the word!

So despite the sad things that have been going on we've been having fun too. Check out what else we've been doing these past few months...

We went to Utah to visit Heath's family:

Heath with his sister Kami and our nephew Preston.

We went to eat dinner with Heath's youngest sibling Ron and his wife Emily in Brigham City. This is the new Temple there.

Heath and I with Preston.

We got to see Sister Bruce (a Sister Missionary that served in our area) now that she is home in Logan!

Cute Preston all bundled up for a car ride. It was SO cold while we were there.

When we came back we headed to DFW for our niece Sydney's baptism. It was an awesome day. We are so proud of her and feel so lucky to be blessed with the best nieces and nephews around-it's true :)