Clever Title Here

Just like I don't have a good name for this post I don't really have much to write about, but thought it was time for an update. Last weekend my parents came to visit for Father's Day weekend. We were going to go home but I got a little sick and they decided to come visit instead. We went to Lockhart to eat at Smitty's BBQ. It was pretty good. Another one of the many great places around Austin that have been featured on food/travel channels. After that we headed out to the Alamo Drafthouse (it's like The Movie Tavern in Fort Worth) to see Toy Story 3. We al agreed that it was an awesome movie. Pretty unbelievable for a trilogy- they usually get worse but I think they are getting better! After that we headed home and hung out. Last week I sold my phone so I could buy a new one. Somehow I was already eligible for an upgrade which just happened to be the same time that Apple/AT&T released the new iPhone. I said if I could sell my old phone for the same price as the new one then I would do it. I ended up selling it for 25 dollars more than the cost of the new one with taxes included. I profited! So my new one is due to be delivered today and Heath is anxiously waiting by the door for it :). This weekend we're going home so we can FINALLY go see our friend's new baby boy Koen. I didn't want to risk getting him sick last weekend. Congratulations Wes and Brindee! Can't wait to see him! It's also my mom's birthday on Sunday so we'll be celebrating that too. It's been a busy summer so far and we've loved it! Keep the fun coming!

Sea World- Fun for all ages!

Enough with the depressing talk. Let's talk fun! We've had the pleasure of going to Sea World twice so far this year. We bought one of those Fun Cards where you pay the same price as a one day admission but you get to come back all year.

The first time we got to go we went with Ben, Mer, and the girls. We went both Friday and Saturday and had a blast. It was so nice to see the faces on the girls at the shows. There is nothing like bringing joy into a child's life because it brings joy into yours! We also got to stay at this awesome resort hotel thanks to Ben and Mer's friends. It was an amazing, relaxing time and we wish we could do it again.

Hanging in the hotel with our Sea World treasures.

Waiting for the Shamu show to start.

Everyone after the Shamu show. We sat in the Splash Zone but hardly got wet.

Thanks for a great trip Ben and Mer! We had a blast!

The second time we went was two days ago. My aunt called us last month and asked if we would help her out with taking her grandson's to Sea World. Being the fun lovers we are, we said yes! So we spent the night at my cousin's house Wednesday, got up early Thursday and headed out to San Antonio, then came back that night after we had worn the kids out. Boys are a lot harder than girls. Holy smokes. Carter has Down Syndrome so you have do a lot more for him than other 6 year olds, but he's a great kid and LOVES Heath so they always have a great time. He loves shows, animals, and acrobats so he was in heaven being at Sea World. Carter loved the Beluga/Dolphin show so much that he just sat there when the show ended and signed more and said "more show!"

Zane, Aunt Sis, Me, Carter, and Heath outside the entrance of Sea World.

Another great trip! Thanks for inviting us Aunt Sis!

So hopefully we'll have more fun trips to S.W. this year and many more summer fun adventures!

Why not me? *Addendum

*ADDENDUM TO MY PREVIOUS POST*
Okay, obvioulsy I am a little angry right now. A lot of this has been building up the past three years. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests will do that to a person. I'm not going to lie, I really do think/have thought/feel/have felt all of the below things and more- wrong or right. I need to write about two things. One being of a time shortly after joining the church. I joined when I was 17. During that time I took ridacule from friends, family, and sometimes strangers. I dealt with my Baptist friends who thought I was going to hell. I dealt with my parents kicking me out of the house because they didn't understand. I dealt with my grandma giving my parents anti-mormon literature so that they could know the "truth". For the past 10 years I have struggled with the need to fit in with my family and friends that were now so clearly different than me and also trying to live the life I knew I wanted. I knew what I believed and I knew why I wanted to be baptized, but trying to be another person after being someone else for 17 years can be a difficult thing. I stumbled many times, but always got right back up and kept moving forward. That was a very hard time in my life. I was being hurt for doing something good- going to church. I was changing my life for the better, but met opposition in every direction. It was a very painful time, but also a time in my life that changed me for the better. I made it through and thought to myself, surely this is as bad as it gets. Surely I will reap the benefits of standing strong for what I believe. Hince the bitterness as the time came for me to weather yet another one of life's trials- infertility. I feel like I am going to be fighting these battles all of my life while others seem to have things handed to them. It feels like nothing comes easy to me and I am becoming resentful of how strong the Lord believes me to be. The hardest part is being a member of this great church that teaches of families and how they are your greatest treasure. When you can't obtain it, you feel broken. You feel like a failure as a wife, a member of the church, a daughter/daughter-in-law, and a daughter of our Heavenly Father. I know I cannot let this trial define who I am or where I am going. I know I cannot let it extinguish my testimony or love for the church. I just don't know to get out of this place, to come to terms with this, to overcome these feelings.
The other thing I wanted to say was that I am aware of the many blessings I have daily. I do not want to short change all the good I have in my life. A very loving husband, a wonderful house I can call home, two loyal dogs, great family and friends. It just seems that when something like this takes over your life you forget about the simply great things you do have. I know I have a lot and I am very lucky. And on the other hand, I realize that there are many more people out there that are struggling with far more than I am.
I also realize that this is not the end of the road. That there are many options out there for us to expand our family. I'm just simply a girl who wishes she could do it the "normal" way, and needed an outlet to vent these feelings I've been having. I think the world in general does not talk about infertility enough and so as a woman going through it you feel alone and strange. You feel like you have no one to relate to, but I have found many greats friends along this journey and thank them for all the support they've given me.

Why not me?

As most of you loyal readers (all 3 of you :)) know, we've been struggling with infertility issues for about three years now. It has overwhelmed my life in so many ways. It is starting to define who I am and I hate it. Oh there goes Adrienne- She has infertility- feel sorry for her. It's a disease that is pretty much sucking the life out of me. The worst part is that it is a silent disease that no one sees and that no one can cure. So I live each day mourning my childhood dreams of becoming a mother, raising a family, and doing what most people consider the best job on earth. I watch others as they interact with children, or as mothers hold their infants, and I look at what seems like every person around me walk around with a pregnant belly, and I think- Why not me? Why not me, the person who waited until she was married to have sex, the person that did what the Lord asked and got sealed in the Temple, the person who has tried to do what is right. You feel like you are doing these things in your life: going to church, paying tithing, saying your prayers, attending the Temple, reading your scriptures, following the Word of Wisdom- and they are hard sometimes, but you do them, and you feel that somehow you will get rewarded- that it will pay off. Then you wake up one day and you realize what a fool you've been. Because the 16 year old in the back seat of that car just got what you want. The unwed mother of 3 just got what you want-again, that girl smoking and drinking has what you want, and even the very best of people have what you want- and deserve it. So why not me? I've spent the last three years wondering what I am doing wrong, am I not good enough, am I being punished, is our timing wrong, does the Lord not care and has forgotten me. Does the Lord not care- how sad is that? This has been the most painful time of my life. I have questioned who I am, what I believe, and why I believe it, and I am coming up short on answers and feeling a lot of apathy towards life right now. Slowly coming to the realization that I will have to pay $15,000-$30,000 to experience what others get for free is a bitter battle with your spiritual side. On top of that, we don't have that kind of money. Not to mention that the procedures take everything beautiful and wonderful out of the experience. Doctors probing and poking and implanting. We've done three procedures so far and nothing has come from it. Just false hope, broken hearts, and empty bank accounts. I am spiritually flat lined and unable to comprehend what God wants me to learn from this pain right now. I've heard it all: You are so young, it will happen. Give it time. Be patient. It will happen in the Lord's time. Go on vacation. Just relax. Don't think about it. God is teaching you something. Some are just meant to adopt, maybe that's you. This is how Satan tries to get us. If I hear another tried and cliche saying about trying to have baby- I am going to scream! I especially don't want to hear it from the mother of 8 sitting next to me telling me she understands what I am going through and to hang in there. No you don't and I don't need your sympathy. I don't know if I'll ever become a mother, by miracle or adoption or whatever, but if that day comes I hope I can look back on this bitter, angry, painful time and see what I was supposed to learn, because all I can say right now is SCREW THIS BABY MAKING STUFF, IT SUCKS!