Holy Update Batman!

It's been way too long. No good excuses-just busy, busy, busy and sick, sick, sick! I will try and back track to all the fun things we've done in the past couple months:

First of all, November was National Adoption Month! As you know, adoption has become a very important part of our lives and it was so fun to see all the exciting things going on around us to put adoption out there and break some of the stigma. We read many lovely blogs from all over the adoption triad: adoptive parents, adoptees, birthmothers, and birthfathers. My favorite place to go is the LDS Adoption Connection website. It's a great place to go so you can read blogs from both sides of adoption. We haven't been placed with our baby yet, but adoption has such a special place in our hearts already. I think the biggest thing we've gained so far is a deep appreciation and love for birth families. They aren't selfish people who want to shove their child off to the side so they can continue to live their crazy lives. No, they are caring, selfless people who have a deep love for their child and break their own hearts so that they can give their child all that they can't at that time. It breaks my heart that our future birth parents (and all birth parents) have to go through this pain, but like the pain of our infertility we have come to know that great things come from "a broken heart and contrite spirit". Great things will come to these wonderful people. Great things indeed.

November 12th was Heath's 28th birthday! We celebrated by restaurant skipping to all of our favorite places that Heath got free Birthday meals to. I surprised him by upgrading his phone to the new iPhone 4S and gave him a copy of Steve Jobs biography-as you can tell Heath is the ultimate Apple fanboy.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving we spent at my cousin Heather's house for a cookout. We celebrated my Grandma's Birthday and then took her home with us to stay the night with my parents who were also visiting for Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Day Heath and I woke up early to get our jeans that were on sale at Old Navy. Then we packed everyone up and headed back to Heather's house for our feast. We had fun playing with Heather's sons and everyone had a great time catching up and hanging out. We are so grateful for our families and having most of them close by so we can make all these fun memories together.

The next day was Black Friday AND our 6th Wedding Anniversary. We celebrated by scoping out all the sales and eating at our traditional Joe's Crab Shack. Heath got us a new washer and dryer for our anniversary- our old one (which wasn't that old) never worked right and made our clothes smelly. The best part was that we sold our old pair the same night which paid for half of it and the rest was covered by work bonuses. I am one happy camper since we plan on doing cloth diapering and I really didn't want smelly laundry anymore! I am very lucky to have Heath in my life and look forward to what this next year has in store for us.

The weekend of December 10th my parents came into town to help us with our Adoption Garage Sale. Many people donated items for our sale and we were able to raise over $1700 for our adoption fund!!! We cannot express enough how grateful we are for so many people wanting to help us out and all the love that has been shown to us as we began our journey to adopt. We love you all!!

My parents got to stay all the way until my 28th Birthday on Tuesday, December 13th! We celebrated with a yummy breakfast and then said goodbye to my parents. Heath got me this beautiful necklace for my birthday. It is hand stamped with "Enjoy the Journey" which is my new favorite phrase for life! I loved it!

We went to DFW for Christmas, but not before I caught some yucky cold virus. Friday, December 23rd we went to our annual CASA Christmas play with Ben and Mer (and their kids). This year my family went too which was a special treat. We can't wait to have our own little one to include in these traditions. Christmas Eve was spent at our annual Breinholt Christmas Eve Bash. It includes Ben and Mer (and family), Jeremy (Heath's brother) and JaeLyn, and Mer's siblings Cody and Bandaid. I was still sick, but we had a blast! We make yummy breakfast food, open presents, do our Christmas devotional (we read the Christmas story from the Bible and act out the parts with our wooden Nativity set) with the Utah Breinholt's via Skype, and just have fun! Christmas Day morning was spent with my family opening presents and then later in the day my mom's family came for lunch and our annual (We have a lot of traditions :)) Chinese gift card exchange. We stayed the rest of the week and I spent it working and still trying to recover from my cold. On Friday I gave in and went to the doctor-2 days before the new year and our new deductible began :) I was diagnosed with an Upper Respiratory Infection, given a steroid shot in the bum, and sent home with two meds.

Saturday the 31st (New Year's Eve) we began what we thought would be a short project for my mom- replacing the kitchen faucet. The faucet was rusted on so bad that we had to replace the sink, and since we were already doing that we also replaced the garbage disposal too. And by we I totally mean Heath. He's my handy man! The project took much longer than we thought and we were oh, about 3 hours late meeting our friends Joey and Kira at our house in Austin. We still feel really bad about that- sorry guys!! Joey and Kira come every year for New Years and we have so much fun with them.

Last week we received the letter that we were approved a to adopt through LDS Family Services!! It was such an exciting day and we can't wait to see what the new year holds for us. We can't wait to meet our birth family and find our baby through the miracle of adoption. Our agency works a little differently. Our birth mom will find us either through our profile on the website www.itsaboutlove.org or through networking with friends, family, and even strangers. So if you feel impressed to share our story- do it! It could be the spirit speaking to you and it could turn out to be the connection to our future birth family. Thank you for your continued prayers, thoughts, and acts of love. We are so grateful for all the support we have been given on building our family. Much love and best wishes in the new year!

P.S. Feel free to grab our button on the right side of our blog. When posted on your blog and clicked it will take others straight to our adoption blog!

Adoption Conference/Pumpkin Carving

In true Halloween fashion this post has a scary twist, it is written by Heath! I hope I don't drive away our reader.

This weekend we had the great opportunity to go to an adoption conference and hear from several speakers about the many parts of adoption and how we can be better prepared for the process. It was a fantastic meeting and the speakers were great. Adrienne had talked to most of them online already so for her it was nice to put faces with stories. Anyway they were all helpful in the information they gave but it was obvious that they had prayerfully prepared to speak to us. Heavenly Father had guided them to the words we needed to hear and prepared us to hear them. We heard from a couple of families who had been through the adoption process who gave tips on how to be proactive and not passive in finding our baby. A couple of case workers talked about the details of the process and one gave a very wonderful talk about dealing with infertility. It really broke through the shyness barrier and helped everyone voice their emotions. Finally a birthmother spoke about the process from her point of view and told the story of how adoption changed her life. It was truly inspiring to hear her testimony of adoption and we all left hoping to be a part of a story like hers. In the end we all left with a smile on our faces and the spirit in our hearts.

On the following day we spent the afternoon with Ben, Mer, Syd, Malla, and Ty. We had so much fun playing till our bodies could play no more. The girls on the other hand were running on pure sugar (it being Halloween and all) so when we ran out of gas they just ran around and around-literally. We carved a pumpkin and by we I mean everyone handed me the pumpkin and said go ahead and blow our minds. It's hard to be creative with that kind of pressure. I do my best stuff when nobody is expecting it. Anyway, we all liked the idea of the mouth and eyes from the cat on Alice in Wonderland. So, a quick Google search brought up a suitable image that was then carved into the pumpkin. In the end I don't think it looked much like a cat, even with the ears, but it did look scary. After all the fun we had long drive home again. What a good weekend.

Sydney is hollowing out the pumpkin while I'm making the template.

Look at those chubby cheeks. Just love little Tyson.

What a fun day.

Sydney didn't want us to leave.

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month!

Last weekend we had the opportunity to attend the 2011 Buddy Walk for the Down Syndrome Association of Central Texas. It was a special day because we got to be members of Team Cruisin' for Carter.

Our team "Cruisin' for Carter" doing the 1 mile walk!

Us with Carter!

Carter is my cousin Heather's son and we are lucky to live close to them and enjoy giving Heather and her husband a break once in awhile so we can babysit Carter and his brother Zane. We always have a good time with the boys. Mostly because Carter loves to entertain. He loves shows like the circus or Sea World and you can usually find him putting on a show for us afterwards. He loves to hang out with Heath. They love to play instruments and Heath is always chosen to read him his books before bed time. Back to the Buddy Walk! Here is a description from the DSCAT website (www.dsact.com): "

The Buddy Walk ® was established in 1995 by the National Down Syndrome Society to celebrate Down Syndrome Awareness Month in October and to promote acceptance and inclusion of people with Down syndrome."

It also raises money to help fund these great opportunities:

o New Parent Outreach;

o Recreational Classes (art, dance, music, swimming);

o Age-Specific Social Activities;

o Monthly Speaker Series;

o Bi-Monthly Educational Newsletter;

o Promoting and Encouraging Inclusion; and

o Special Education Advocacy And Training.

Feel free to donate to your local chapter! It's a great cause and I have seen the programs personally bless a loved one of mine.

We had a great weekend!

His plan for me

One of the best parts of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is having the knowledge that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Sometimes that knowledge is clouded by doubt or fear, but it is always there. Even in my darkest hours of infertility I felt the confirmation from the Holy Ghost that Heavenly Father knew my pain and had a plan for me. But I definitely had my moments of doubt. And by moments I mean years. I spent the last 4 years doubting if I would ever be a mother, doubting my worthiness to be a mother, doubting that my prayers were being heard. Doubting that I would ever climb out of the hole of pity, anger, bitterness, sadness, and jealousy I had dug. The important part of that last sentence was "I". I dug that hole and only I could reach out and help myself out of it. I joined the church when I was 17. In the 10 years since my baptism I have had many stumbling blocks put in my way, but I have always overcome them. When infertility was thrown in front of me I was knocked down, but I didn't give up. I was proactive. We went to the doctor, we got tests, we tried procedures, we tried all sorts of things we learned from friends and family and strangers online, we tried diet changes, we tried vitamins. We tried everything. And each time one of those didn't work it was like getting knocked to the ground again. Before we chose adoption (and after we had one last test done) I found myself knocked to my knees again. But this time I did something differently. I changed my prayers. I poured out my heart to Heavenly Father. I told Him all I ever wanted was to one day be a mother. That I was willing to let this (pregnancy) go so that I could meet Him half way and align my plan with His plan. Remember that pit of despair I had dug? Suddenly it wasn't so deep. Suddenly I could grasp the edge and pull myself out. What a great feeling!

After shaking off those 4 years of sadness my eyes were open to all that I had missed. All the blessings, all the answered prayers, all the direction that Heavenly Father had given Heath and I in our lives as we endured this trial. I was able to see that we were heading right where we were meant to be all along and suddenly infertility wasn't a trial anymore. It was a blessing.

I'm not saying it isn't still hard. I had to grieve the loss of a childhood dream-bearing children. It was hard, but it is better now. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows our pain and helps lighten our burdens.

Howdy Folks! Welcome to the State Fair!

Last weekend we headed to DFW for the annual Texas/OU football game at The State Fair of Texas. I have been going to this game since I was a little girl, and it has been fun to include Heath in the tradition after our marriage. We can't wait for the day when we can dress up our little girl or boy in Longhorn garb and head out the fair. The game was one of the most disappointing I've ever seen. Heath and I actually left a quarter early because it was going so poorly. We decided we'd rather enjoy the fair then watch the beating we were getting. Despite the outcome of the game we had a great time. My dad and brother were there and we all just enjoyed spending time with each other. We ate fried food concoctions, played carnival games, and visited the petting zoo.

Since deciding on adoption these moments have been even more special. Now we look at these events and get giddy with the possibility of sharing these times with our own little one. We can't wait to share our lives with a child.

I also got some great news last week. In July, I took a credentialing exam to become a Certified Coding Specialist (CCS). It's a 4 hour test and not easy at all, and I'm proud to announce that I got the good news that I passed the exam! I celebrated by eating and playing to my heart's content at the State Fair :)

Here are some pictures to document the day:

The great thing about losing bad is that everyone leaves you have plenty of bench space to enjoy :)

Inside the stadium. It was packed full of Texas/OU fans!

Us in front of a Texas Longhorn. Beautiful animals :)

Uncle Mattie feeding the baby goats. This little one ate his whole cup.

Us at the game. You can tell this is at the beginning of the game because we are still smiling. We lost bad :(

My favorite thing to do each year is the Petting Zoo. The smile on my face says how much I love animals of all kinds!

Uncle Mattie with all of our treasures after playing games on the Midway. We have a tradition of winning a basketball each year, and both of us did again this year! Longhorn ones of course :)

"Our Nursery"

Heath and I have been getting excited about transforming what we call the "Longhorn Room" into our nursery. We want to be prepared since you never know with adoption how soon your child may come to you. We like the idea of a gender neutral room because again we have no idea which sex we would be blessed with. We've been to a ton of baby stores and looked online and this is what we've come up with so far:

This is the crib we love:

And this is bedding set/theme we like for the room:

We are thinking about painting the walls either light green or yellow. Blog readers, which color do you like best? We'll probably put up vinyl decals on the wall too or paint a tree with the owls and baby's name on the wall.

We're so excited to begin this new adventure and love that we can call that extra room upstairs "our nursery" instead of "future nursery".

Move along, move along...

Yesterday we went to do our fingerprinting for the adoption process. It's one of the last major steps before we move on to the home study. I can't believe how fast the process has gone so far. It has felt like months since we made that initial contact with our caseworker, but really it has only been 3 weeks! I started to panic yesterday thinking how fast it was moving. Most of that is excitement, but a little bit of it is apprehension. I think I figured it out though. With the paper work process we have control. We fill out the forms, we turn them in, we move on the next steps, etc. After all of that is done it is time to wait. I have all these thoughts like: what if we say the wrong thing? what if they don't like our pictures? what if we don't get picked? I feel like the nerdy kid on the sidelines wondering if they'll get picked to join someone's kick ball team. I'm trying really hard to push these thoughts aside and put my faith in the Lord that he will lead us to our birth parent(s) and them to us. I know in the end our birth parent(s) will love us for being us. I can't wait to meet them!

Enjoying The Journey..

I had a great day at church today. I passed babies in the halls, I held babies to help out a friend, I saw parents with their kids and there was no pain, no feelings of loss, no sadness. I mingled with other Saints. I laughed and listened to good lessons. To most this may not seem extraordinary. In fact, it's extremely ordinary. But these past 4 years I have struggled with church. My heart dropped as we would pull into the parking lot. I felt pained as we walked the halls. I felt as every lesson talked of being a good parent and therefor I couldn't relate. It was a long 4 years and I never thought it would get better.

But it did! Not just because we chose adoption and all my problems magically went away, but because I chose to enjoy the journey. I know each second, minute, hour, and day is bringing us closer to being parents. But on the bigger spectrum I know each day is part of a journey that Heavenly Father has planned just for me.

“Life is to be enjoyed, not endured”

― Gordon B. Hinckley

Start Spreading The Word....

Life is EXCITING right now. On 9/6 we met with our sweet caseworker, Brenda, and officially began the adoption process with LDS Family Services. We have been dutifully filling out online forms, offline forms, and sending in copies of documents. Brenda says we will probably be approved in December, but we are hoping it will be before that. I can honestly say that it has felt like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders since we prayerfully decided to pursue adoption. I have also learned though that choosing adoption hasn't alleviated all my past pain, but also stirred up some new feelings. My battle with Infertility was a rough one. I came out bruised and battered and wondering where my old self had gone. When we made the decision to adopt I felt alive again. I felt like my dreams were possible again. Shortly after we began the process and I was swimming in a mound of paperwork I felt exhausted. I felt as if I went from one hard situation (infertility) to another (the adoption process). I cried. And then I cried some more. Why was life so hard? Why did everything seem like a giant obstacle for me that seemed so easy for others? But maybe that was the point. Maybe all along this was the lesson I was to learn. Life is hard. We are dealt things that seem impossible to overcome. And it hurts. And you feel overwhelmed. But it is worth it. All of our struggles with infertility. All of our failed procedures. All of that pain. It was and is and will be worth it.

So that is where we are with the adoption process. Just continuing to send in things and patiently waiting to be approved. We know there is a special birth mother and child out there just for us. The agency talks a lot about waiting vs. finding and how finding is being proactive while waiting is the opposite. Although we are not approved yet we are going to begin the "finding" process now. Share our blog! Share our facebook page! Share our information with anyone you feel inspired to! We plan on making a button that you can paste on your blogs too. We're so grateful for the support our friends and family have given us and we're so excited for all of you to go on this journey with us!

Check out our Adoption blog:

breinholtadoptionjourney.blogspot.com

Or our Adoption Facebook Page:

http://www.facebook.com/breinholtadoption

Have questions? Contact Us!

breinholtadoption@gmail.com

A Tale of Two Cities..

Wow, life is just blowing by. The semester is over and I spent it traveling back and forth from Pflugerville to DFW. My classes were online but I had to go on campus to take the exams. So three times this semester I packed up my stuff (including my work computer) and stayed with my parents in Keller. I can safely say that I don't think I'll ever be a traveling coder. It is exhausting going back and forth. So I would get there the weekend before, study, take my tests that Mon/Tues, work the rest of my week at my parent's, and then go home the next weekend. But it is all over now and I got an A and a B so all is well.

Another major change these past few months was with my career. I applied and got offered two new jobs. I accepted the second offer and now work for the 2nd biggest healthcare company in Central Texas. My previous employer was the biggest. I started my new job in the middle of April and things have been going great so far. I still have the option to work from home but have deferred that for now so I can enjoy the company of my new co-workers. It's so nice to be around human beings again! I love my dogs, but they aren't good conversationists. I also am working PRN (as needed) for my old boss. My days consists of coding, coding, and then more coding. But in a time where many are losing jobs or having a hard time finding one, we feel extremely blessed and lucky to have two.

I also got into the Health Information Management program at Texas State University. I start next Fall. Heath is nearing his last year at UT for his undergraduate degree. No one is more giddy with excitement about that great news than me! I am proud of him and the work he has done these past 2 years. UT is a very hard school and he has done wonderfully.

Life is moving on. It seems like yesterday that Heath and I had gotten married and started down our own road with our life's dreams. Things have changed a lot, but not our love for one another. I am so glad to have him to share in life's ups and downs. I couldn't do it without him!

New Year, New Plans

We have finally made a decision on two important things.

1. I am going back to school

and

2. We are going to adopt.

I start back to school this semester. I'll be doing online courses at TCC and am also putting in my application for the BS in Health Information Management program at Texas State University. If I get in, I will start their online program this Fall. Since I already have my Associate's degree I will be allowed to finish my final two years completely online. Pretty awesome deal. I have to do a great big shout out to my parents for once again stepping up to the plate and helping me out with the tuition costs until I am able to pay them back. My work does tuition reimbursement but-for logical reasons- they don't pay you back until after you've completed the courses. We struggle enough with paying our bills, taking care of two dogs, and taking care of Heath's school expenses so it was such a blessing for my family to be so willing to help us out. I don't know what I would do without them. They are always there when I need them. I am truly grateful for "goodly parents". So I am very excited about school starting (tomorrow actually!) and heading towards a goal I really want to accomplish.

On to the second and equally (or even more) exciting news. After struggling with infertility for four (almost 5) years and all the roller coaster emotions that come with that we have both come to a meeting point on what we would like to do. For us, we feel that there are just no guarantees for IVF (InVitro Fertilization). I am possibly going through POF (Premature Ovarian Failure) right now. With that and the low counts, we feel that it is just not worth the risk of spending all that money and it failing. Heath has been pushing adoption since we started down this road, but I was just having trouble accepting infertility yet alone adoption. I am pretty stubborn about letting things go. I think I have gone through all of the stages of grief finally and ready to move on with this new plan. I think we were meant to adopt all along. I was just pushing away all those promptings because I did not want to accept it. We plan on putting our profile out there in a year. This puts Heath closer to graduation and gives us time to put everything in order : saving money, etc. Although I have accepted this path it doesn't mean that all of my old feelings have gone away. I still cry when others announce a pregnancy, my stomach still aches when I see someone hold a sweet baby, and the maternity/baby aisles at stores still bring anger brimming to the surface. This is another reason we are taking a year before actively pursuing an adoption. I still have strides to make in overcoming this huge change in my life: not getting a family the way I thought I would. But we are both excited about the prospect of adoption and joy this can bring to our lives.

We are hoping this year brings lots of exciting changes and joy to our lives and hope the same thing for all of you.